From the Beginning to The End.

drawings and experiment 019

 

 

When the world turns its back on your peace of mind

And your best friend is half the world away

And hugs cost millions per microsecond

The sun laughs at your dizziness,

And no one else can see that your head is imploding.

When you feel that person in the room

That you can’t stand to think about

For reasons everyone knows,

Your whole body recoils and sits still.

Resounding, reverberating, hammer to the head

Drums and the thunder of being alone.

I sit alone.

In a crowd, no one notices—except the strangers sitting two chairs away.

Ghosts for neighbors.

I sit alone.

Anger fills me to saturate my bones—

Anger for reasons I don’t even know.

Anger for feeling when I shouldn’t care

Anger for knowing he’s still there.

The sun is still laughing. It sears my eyes.

I hear friends laughing—but they don’t talk to me.

I am invisible to them, but why should they care?

Seven days here, seven more and I’m gone for good.

I won’t miss them.

I dreamt my eyes were streaming,

I don’t remember why.

I never sleep, I’m always dreaming.

I woke twice in my sleep, falling off the edge.

I fell and jolted, and awoke in a strange place.

I see sunshine and strange trees and unfamiliar faces.

I can’t understand a goddam’ thing they say,

A different dialect of a familiar language.

“I’ll wait for you!” they unreliably said.

“I’ll miss you too,” I say with sad eyes—

But inside I just miss home.

Dreaming again, I think to myself.

Strange birds with funny heads,

Squawking all the day.

Myrtle trees whose leaves smell of lemon oil,

Rustling in the heatwave breeze.

People wearing funny clothes, layers upon layers,

Despite the blinding heat.

“Where’s your jumper?” they ask and laugh.

“It’s nice out,” is always my reply.

Nice weather, nice trees, but I’m unsettled.

Tears of awakening, streaming.

Jose Gonzalez sings the theme song to my soul—

Crosses.

Crossing the ocean, crossing my heart,

Crosses of my own dismantling.

I do myself in with every attachment

To people with cruel intentions.

Lied to, ignored, hidden from,

I can’t keep up with the hurt in my heart.

Expression comes freely—my heart is an open book

For the world to read and cast aside.

 

 

I feel as though my last few posts have been missing something. They have been happy, yes, but only touching the surface of my experience here in Australia. It’s not all koalas and Vegemite. I’ve struggled a bit, too. I feel like I need to express my frustration from today to detox my soul. I’ve been feeling some angst, pent up frustration with people situations. There are good people, there are bad people, there are good but unreliable people, there are bad people that put on an act of innocence. For me, I can’t always see through acts, and I believe in personal responsibility, so I guess I assume that other people believe the same– but it hasn’t held true here. There are cultural differences here that I cannot get used to. I love the few good friends that I’ve made here, but I really miss the people who I know I can rely on– my family and my best friend at home. I have had good experiences here in Australia, but I am ready to go home.

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About clayhead33

I am a potter-- I love to draw, play guitar, cook yummy food... and just have fun in general. I love to make a difference with my work, even something as small as inspiring a fellow artist :)
This entry was posted in Creative Writing, Daydreaming, Deep Thought, Philosophy, Photography, Poetry, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to From the Beginning to The End.

  1. totalovrdose says:

    Passionate, powerful and beautifully written with a wide variety of varying images. The only disappointing aspect of the post is…there’s no ‘like’ button!

    • clayhead33 says:

      Haha yeah, I haven’t been able to find where it is in the page editing stuff to add it… I’ve been blogging for a couple of years and still can’t figure that out 😛 tips/directions as to where to find that option would be great 🙂

      • totalovrdose says:

        I think it depends on the theme of your blog, as different blog themes have varying differences. There are only two possible suggestions I can think of…either, the ‘like’ feature is optional, and is thus available in the widget menu, or, (and this is an extreme option) you could change the theme of your blog. Your blog did look very interesting though…your prerogative ma’am. Hope this helps! 😀

      • clayhead33 says:

        Yeah it does help. It might be the theme preventing me from adding the like button… because I’ve seen other blogs and looked all over in my options to find it and found something that looked close, changed it, looked at my blog, and nothing had changed. It might be time for a theme change anyway 🙂 I’ve had this one for a bout a year 😉

      • totalovrdose says:

        Good luck ma’am! 😀

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